Nebula

When is Kat there this weekend?

Just another suggestion.

Waiting for Love

I understand that this looks like an impossible situation for you. There seem to be 3 choices - do something with both of us, neither of us, or choose between us. The first choice will leave both of us upset and jealous you feeling bad for causing that; the second will make both visits awkward and probably sexually frustrating; the third will hurt one of us and leave you feeling bad for causing that hurt. I know it seems like a no-win situation. But no matter what you plan or expect, we're still coming and something will happen. I'd tell you to try not to worry about it and let things take their course, but I know that's next to impossible for you, so I don't know what to say. I had something planned out for when I got a chance to post this, but I don't remember what it is anymore. I'm leaving soon anyway. Talk to you tonight.

I don't know who you think doing nothing would make happy. And I know you're not going to date either of us, but I'm not really worried about it. We talked about this.. I'm not concerned with the label and I know I love you and you love me and that's all that matters.

And you do know my past. I don't talk about it because I think all it would do is make me feel bad about myself because that isn't who I am anymore and I don't want you thinking it is. If you want to hear it, I'll write you my life story. Everything. And you don't have to tell me, but this is my way of asking. I'm telling you now it's oaky if you do, I know I don't have any monogomy claims on you. Please come back so we can actually talk about this?

You know where you stand with me. It's the same place you always have.

It'd be bad for me because, last time I checked, you two still have feelings for each other. So I'll probably spend those two days going crazy wondering if something's happening and getting jealous while trying to talk myself out of getting so hyped up, because I know no one will benefit from it. Just... if something does happen, I expect you to tell me, okay?

Okay, I guess I just don't really see what could happen that would make it bad for you. I see what could happen that would be bad for me, but this isn't about me, and we both know how I feel about putting myself into these things.

Well am I wrong in thinking it would be good for you?

I hope she can, that'd be good for you.

No, I meant Kelly.

Usually I don't, last night Mona had some stuff she needed to get off her chest.

So when is she coming to see you?

The Donnie Darko re-release is scheduled for when I'm out there with you. I think this guarantees one movie we'll actually *watch* the whole way through.

There are a few main ones that I've been thinking a lot about recently.. 1) that night that you almost slept over but were too restless so you gave up and went upstairs after a couple hours. You asked if it was okay if you went back to your room and I said yes, but only if you tucked me in. So I got under the covers and you tucked me in, leaned over me, whispered "goodnight", and gave me a lovely soft kiss.
2) The first time you told me you love me. I was laying on my bed and you were sitting somewhere near my knees doing that fingertip thing on my back (which needs a name besides 'that fingertip thing'), and I said it was times like those that made me feel like you love me because it felt like you were being so careful, and you said "of course I love you" like there was no other option.
3) The night after the Mela afterparty when you were so mad at me, but you came back anyway and spent the night, saying you missed me and were worried when I didn't come back online.

I think this was triggered by something you said last night, about how your hypothesis was that we wouldn't make it to the stairs, that 'that was how you imagined it'. And how I imagined it was something different. And I guess that's when I realized these were your memories, too, and just got curious as to which ones were more predominant in your mind.

Nonono, I try to stay away from girly moments and even if I had one, there's no way I'd tell you and risk being called a girly-girl. That'd be awful. I was asking 'cause I was curious.. I know I have my little list of our memories that I'd consider my favorites, the ones I think about the most. Some little things, some certain days, etc. I was wondering what yours are.

What do you think about when you think of me? Like what are the times that you remember the most?

What do you suggest I do? It gets bad 3 times a year, I think that should be normal when it's been less than 2 years. Sorry to bother you.

My thoughts exactly.

That's how long it takes for things to start working. The box came with about 4 little pamphlets, and they all said the same thing.

I still think you'd have the ability.

And, on a completely unrelated note, it's one week.

I wouldn't put it past thinking that it could work.

My left ear is all kinds of messed up. Can you fix it?

Wouldn't this look awesome as a chaos in a bottle? Too bad it's so damn expensive.

Yes, that was your 'message.' Short and sweet. You gave me your address that day I was bored and playing with mapquest, and I'm sure I can find where I wrote it down. It'll be a little while, though, 'cause the post office closes before I get home from work, so I can't get there to mail it until Saturday. Ready to go, though.

Expect mail.

Good, 'cause I'm still excited.

I know it's complicated... I know it isn't a conscious decision. I'm sorry I can't help you more with this thought process. Now I'm scared to ask... what do you think is going to happen when I come out there?

I couldn't go into more detail on that blog... I just couldn't. What I meant by that line was that I can't stand the thought of you wanting to be with me only as a filler.. that I'm good enough for you while you're looking for something better.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be making this harder for you. I know it's hard enough as it is. I love you.

I believe you, I just need you to tell me what's going on.

If I'm not on, call me.

She tried getting me to leave when she wanted to go to bed an hour before I left, I pushed it as far as I could for you. Don't make it seem like it was my choice to go.

Well we can still take one for, you know, getting clean purposes. It'll be a team effort.

Of course, darling... I think we can find a way to safely fit 2 people in your shower. I went to sleep last night dreaming about curling up with you in a bath, actually. It was quite comforting.

I'm so confused... why do I feel like I haven't talked to you in weeks? It's like I'm slipping from reality; from everything.

..I did mean the actual band? Do you mean you thought I had the actual band in the next room? Or have the actual band up my nose?

No Doubt just came on the radio in the next room, and I'm getting the worst mental images of her being in my nose...

I got an e-mail from my boss, she says the dates are fine with her and had me e-mail another woman in the office just to make sure, but I don't do much with her so I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm expecting an e-mail by the end of the day saying so, and hopefully by the time you call tonight I"ll have my ticket. I can't stop smiling.

!!!!

Tell Doug good luck on the winnebago, unless he buys one, most places won't let you rent a car until you're 25 or something. I'd probably shit my pants if I were to ever go bungee jumping (unless you push me over the edge), and I think skydiving would be the most amazing experience of my life.

I'm in. :-) Good luck with your cavities.

Outward Bound

Want to go the summer after graduation?

Usually I'll either play spider solitaire or battlepong. I know if I leave the computer, then it's up for grabs and I won't be able to get back on for I don't-know-how-long, in case you decide to come back.